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<font style=font-size:1px>There was a sheriff looking for a new deputy, and
a Redneck went in to apply for the job. "OK," said the sheriff, "What is
1+1?" The redneck thought for a minute, and finally said, "11."The sheriff
asked, "What two days of the week start with the letter T?" The redneck
said, "That's easy, Today and Tomorrow." The sheriff said, "Now the last
question, who killed Abraham Lincoln?" The redneck thought really hard, and
at last said, "I don't know." The sheriff smiled and said, "Well, why don't
you go home and work on that." So the redneck went home and his wife asked
him how it went. The redneck replied, "Great! He already put me on a murder
case!" A notoriously absent-minded professor was one day observed walking
along the street with one foot continually in the gutter, the other on the
pavement.A pupil meeting him said:"Good evening, professor. How are
you?""Well," answered the professor, "I thought I was all right when I left
home, but now I don't know what's the matter with me. I've been limping for
the last half-hour."</font><br>
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One day a man went into a chemist's shop and said, "Have you anything to
cure a headache?"The chemist took a bottle from a shelf, held it undert he
gentleman's nose and took out the cork. The smell was so strongthat tears
came into the man's eyes and ran down him cheeks."What did you do that for?"
he said angrily, as soon as he could get back his breath."but that medicine
has cured your headache, hasn't it?""You fool." said the man, "It's my wife
that has the headache, not me".<br>
Fred was applying for a job as a flagman/switch operator on the railroad.
The chief engineer was conducting the interview. "What would you do if the
Northern Express was heading north on Track 1 and the Southern Central was
heading south on Track 1?" Fred quickly answered, "Well, I'd call my
brother." The chief engineer just sat there for a second. "Why would you
call your brother ?" "He's never seen a train wreck before." <br>
Now, here is a machine I have myself perfected<br></p>
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